Tagged with ftm
October 2, 2012
In quite a bit of pain today….. I hate my ovaries/uterus combo, in addition to them being psychologically uncomfortable they are physically extremely painful due to polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I tend to explain it as my ovaries hate me as much as I hate them. I really just want to curl up and let myself go into a kitten/little state (it isn’t a defined persona just me mentally regressing a bit and acting a bit silly, a little bit like a kitten and a bit like a little kid so I tend to call it being little) I feel extremely vulnerable in this state and it is next to impossible to get anything done. With the dishes to do I will just feel guilty if I slip into that and then it won’t be the healing thing that I know it can be.
I also really want to curl up with Squish… who is at school. And possibly get smacked a bit to get some pain endorphins going (we got a new crop recently that I want to get to know better) and for that I also have to wait till Squish gets home since I am not allowed to inflict pain on myself due to a history of self harm and using the pain in negative ways.
Muh…… any pain relief suggestions?
September 3, 2012
I know I need to do a post op update…. but I have a bad chest cold with lots of congestion and don’t have the energy…. So… muh. I have a flat chest, it is still healing, surgery was on the 2nd of August, i have had a couple issues with not moving too much and there is some separation along the lower left pec incision line. I have been living in pj pants and ace bandages. I am so very very happy to have surgery over and to have my chest lumps gone. But muh…. i need to go cough up some mucus now.
August 4, 2012
Apparently it is quite hard to stay awake after major surgery…. In other words I have had chest surgery and I am really damn happy about it. Feel free to ask me questions about it but know that I may not answer right away due to frustrating levels of grogginess and not being able to see my screen clearly because it is hard to focus my eyes.
May 2, 2012
Art of Transliness: Pap Exams →
I’ll start this off by saying that, for the vast majority of people who need them (trans* or not), pap tests are no walk in the park. However, these regular exams are vital to those who have cervixes (yes, trans* men AND trans* women included)! They also can be helpful for detecting other…
April 17, 2012
April 16, 2012
Things I'm Expected To Do for Cis People in Return for Their Not Hating Me: An Angry List →
After seeing bidyke’s remix of sanctimonioussilentagony’s list, I thought I’d sketch out the beginnings of one for transsexual folk.
Improvements welcome:
- Answer any and all questions about my body and my medical treatment no matter how invasive
- Answer questions about my partner’s sexuality
- Listen to their stories about other trans* people they know
- Listen to them talk and give them my opinions on trans* celebrities
- Celebrate with them all fictional depictions of trans* folk, no matter how misrepresentative or outright transphobic
- Congratulate them on their correct use of names and pronouns
- Obey when they refer to me incorrectly and tell me that I “must forgive them”
- Smile sadly and thank them when they tell me how brave I am
- Use the accessible toilet and be grateful
- Stay silent if they misidentify me as gay and cis
- Sympathise with their excuses for their and others’ transphobia
- Approve their use of the word ‘tranny’
- Act ‘gendered’ enough but not too ‘gendered’
- note: these prohibitions overlap with no middle ground
- Never, ever, express or articulate any kind of sexuality
- this one may be trans*-woman-specific?
- actually, I guess not
- Stay quiet when cis-specific issues are being discussed
- Never raise trans*-specific issues
- Never get angry or upset about cissexism and transphobia
- Never call out cis people on cissexism and transphobia
- Not mention specific legal protections for transsexual people to my employers
- Only be transsexual without having any other identities
- Silently excuse myself from activities and events which structurally exclude me
- Do so without raising any attention or being noticed by anybody
- Not hang out with too many other trans* people or seek trans*-only space
- Never repost Asher’s “Die Cis Scum”
- If I die, die quietly, and never blame them.
April 14, 2012
How to deal with being called out
- Don’t tone police. It is NOT your right to dictate how someone should react to their oppression.
- Don’t demand a detailed explanation.* You’re basically asking the person to justify their call out. It’s exhausting, many resources are available, and often this is just a way to try and derail, start an argument, or discredit the other person.
- Don’t get defensive. A call out is not all about you as a person.
- Don’t take it personally. Calling out is not a personal attack. If someone calls you out, they’re trying to teach you something. Calling out is a way for people to educate others on how systems of oppression operate on a day to day, individual level.
- Don’t attack the person who’s calling you out. That’s just fucked up.
- Don’t assume the person calling you out is just “looking to get offended”. Nobody enjoys calling other people out. To call someone out, people often have to mentally prepare for serious repercussions. Calling someone out might mean starting an argument, during which many people will side with the oppressor by default (especially if you’re privileged over the person calling you out).
- Understand that being oppressive is not the same as being offensive or hurting feelings. The damage you’re perpetuating is part of a larger system of oppression.
- Realize that your intent is irrelevant when it comes to whether you were oppressive or not.
- Recognize the power dynamics that are in place between you and the person calling you out.
- Understand intersectionality. IE: Just because you are oppressed by classism, doesn’t mean you lack male privilege.
- Know that being privileged means being oppressive, but you can work to reduce the ways that you are oppressive.
- LISTEN.
- Genuinely apologize.
- Work on oppression reduction and being the best ally you can be. The point of calling you out is to draw your attention to how you’re being oppressive, so that you can work to change it. If you made an oppressive joke, there’s probably oppressive thoughts in place (conscious or not) that led you to think the joke was appropriate. Everyone has to unlearn the oppressive things they’ve absorbed from an oppressive society. We are all taught ways to keep marginalized people in their place, but the good thing is that we can identify these things in ourselves and change. And then we can start working on dismantling the kyriarchy, yeah!
Feel free to add to this or change as necessary.
April 11, 2012
Fuck the people who tell you you have to be a man or a woman.
Fuck the people who ask, “Have you had the operation?”
Fuck the people who refer to you as an “it”.
Fuck the people who continue to call you by your birth name.
Fuck the people who tell you “it’s just a phase”.
Fuck the people who say, “You’re just gay.”
Fuck the people who say, “You’re just a lesbian.”
Fuck the people who say, “You can’t be trans*, you’re too masculine/feminine!”
Fuck anyone who tells you you aren’t who you say you are.
Gender is not up to anyone but yourself. Nobody has the right to decide your gender identity and expression for you.
The most feminine “woman” can identify as male. The most masculine “man” can identify as female. Gender is not determined by either your birth sex or your behavior.
So call me a sissy, a pansy. Tell me I can’t be male because I like to sew and I’m not particularly athletic. Tell me I can’t be male because some mistake gave me an X chromosome where there should have been a Y. You will never change the fact that I am a man.
(Source: pansypunx)
April 10, 2012
Art of Transliness: Safer Sex and Contraception for Trans* Guys →
A lot of us are less than well-informed about how to have safe sex and prevent pregnancy as trans* guys, partially because there isn’t a lot of information out there specifically for us.
-For oral sex involving vulvas (vulvae?), a good way to reduce the chance of STI transmission is to use…
March 14, 2012
can we please not tell cisfolk that they’re not allowed to participate in conversations about trans* issues
why would you bother fighting for equality if you’re just going to slam the door on the majority and create a hostile environment for them anyway, how is that going to help anyone
I think this could be a good idea in general but there does need to be trans* only spaces where we can feel safe. In my opinion we should be able to have places and conversations just for us, not all of the spaces should be exclusive, but a portion of them. I see two reasons for this.
The first is that there are people who want and need to vent among people who have been through something similar. There is less pressure to be pleasant towards the majority in a space where the majority is excluded. Trans* people have the right to be angry with Cis people in general, there is a lot of misunderstanding and pain going around and people need to talk and vent. There are also times where I personally want to be in a Trans* only space because I want to be able to relax, I don’t want to have to explain myself or teach what it means to be Trans*, I just want to be. I think it would be counterproductive to exclude Cis people from all conversations because being a part of a conversation is a great way to learn, show support, and be involved.
The second reason is a little more basic and sort of the kindergarten fairness and balance. There are places where Trans* people are not safe and not welcome so it seems fair for there to be places where Cis people are not welcome. I don’t think every Trans* person thinks that Trans* only places are necessary the same way not every Cis person thinks Cis only places are necessary. But I know that I personally like having Trans* only forums, conversations or meetings because it is a place I feel safe and I feel like they are beneficial for my own mental health.
February 21, 2012
Could use some help
I have been chewing on this idea for a few weeks now and it seems no matter what phrasing I come up with it won’t work.
My mum has been very supportive of me doing what I need to to be myself and transition to male and every once in a while she uses male pronouns, though it is always as an afterthought or as part of teasing me about something else (usually my predictable attraction to pretty males). Though whenever she corrects herself she says ‘female version…. male version.. gender-neutral version’. Now i will take the gender-neutral over female language any day but to hear her correct the male language makes me cringe and question myself and what she is thinking.
I guess it boils down to, Does anyone have phrases, conversations starters, links, ideas, or anything that can help me explain to her how important it is to me to be called he, son, brother, etc?
February 1, 2012
Some form of progress
In addition to actually going outside two days in a row (monday was craft store shopping with Mum, tuesday was doctor’s visit by myself on the bus) I now have an appointment with a surgeon next tuesday…….
I have an appointment with a surgeon….. holy crap! I may be getting much of my chest removed in the foreseeable future. I won’t know how much until after I talk to her on tuesday, she may be able to do a full reconstruction depending on my insurance and what they cover and whether she can code a reconstruction as a reduction….. but still holy crap.
Next problem would be that I am hopelessly broke…. I have a bunch of crafts I would like to sell. I think shipping gifts to my friends might be a good stepping stone to be able to conquer some of my fears involved with that……
Ship things to friends…. this is apparently my goal now. I apologize for the lack of coherence, I am excited and nervous as hell.
August 15, 2011
April 27, 2011
So…. i’m not doing so great today. There is nothing really in particular that i can point to, just a general yucky feeling. For me the general yucky feeling finds all kinds of interesting outlets to express itself in. Extra hatred and irritation at my chest; extra pain in my shoulder blades; extra feeling of hopelessness in a particular crush of mine; extra wanting snuggles and love when no one is around; extra not wanting to eat anything when my blood sugar is already low…. Just bleeerrrggghhh.
Though i guess it is a good thing that no one is around to screw up my pronoun and make me feel worse, being with my family would suck right now.
But anyway, on a happier note, a few days ago my mum actually acknowledged my packer in conversation, which is a big step towards her accepting it. And my sister was teasing me saying ‘mrs. the one who is paying for my treat’ (or something similar), i asked her to repeat what she said and right after the mrs she apologized and said she hadn’t thought about it…….. progress is good, progress is very good.
April 8, 2011
Conversation with my Dad
First of all, i would like to say that i love my Dad. i have always felt more connected to him than anyone else in my family, we seem to operate at the same energy level and it is nice to just have someone you live with that you click with. It is because of him that my ideal self is a quiet, intelligent, funny, and rather submissive man….. that and i have always been fascinated by how he types well over 100 words a minute, it is mind-boggling how fast he types…… but that is in no way the point of this post.
Last week my mum and my sister went out to a girl scout thing which means that Dad and i have to find dinner on our own…… which in turn means going out to Thai food. Towards the end of dinner i mentioned something about my chest being annoying and how i wish i could have surgery to make it flat. Since he seemed somewhat accepting of this i launched into a bit of explanation of how i don’t feel female and i really want to be a boy. He kept saying that what gender you are doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things and male and female only matter in regards to anatomy and how your body works (he was beating around the bush trying to say that it only matters when having sex). i kept trying to explain the social connotations of gender and he didn’t think that gender mattered in society.
i finally managed to get across a metaphor about fish. In this metaphor the two major gender categories are fresh water and salt water (for the purposes of this i chose not to confuse him with all the other genders which could be easily be chlorination and water temp). He is a fish in water that suits him so he doesn’t notice it and doesn’t think it matters he just knows that he can swim along and be fine. For me there is something wrong with my water, i may not be in the right lake and i am going to analyze the shit out the water i’m in until i figure out what is wrong with it.
