I'm a pansexual transguy trying to figure myself out. Expect a lot of information and pride going on. I am always happy to educate and learn.
I fixed the part that bugged me…. I wish I knew where this came from. So, the same cuddle buddy form that went around a little while ago but with a fill in the blank gender instead of a check the box.
I have been chewing on this idea for a few weeks now and it seems no matter what phrasing I come up with it won’t work.
My mum has been very supportive of me doing what I need to to be myself and transition to male and every once in a while she uses male pronouns, though it is always as an afterthought or as part of teasing me about something else (usually my predictable attraction to pretty males). Though whenever she corrects herself she says ‘female version…. male version.. gender-neutral version’. Now i will take the gender-neutral over female language any day but to hear her correct the male language makes me cringe and question myself and what she is thinking.
I guess it boils down to, Does anyone have phrases, conversations starters, links, ideas, or anything that can help me explain to her how important it is to me to be called he, son, brother, etc?
First of all, i would like to say that i love my Dad. i have always felt more connected to him than anyone else in my family, we seem to operate at the same energy level and it is nice to just have someone you live with that you click with. It is because of him that my ideal self is a quiet, intelligent, funny, and rather submissive man….. that and i have always been fascinated by how he types well over 100 words a minute, it is mind-boggling how fast he types…… but that is in no way the point of this post.
Last week my mum and my sister went out to a girl scout thing which means that Dad and i have to find dinner on our own…… which in turn means going out to Thai food. Towards the end of dinner i mentioned something about my chest being annoying and how i wish i could have surgery to make it flat. Since he seemed somewhat accepting of this i launched into a bit of explanation of how i don’t feel female and i really want to be a boy. He kept saying that what gender you are doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things and male and female only matter in regards to anatomy and how your body works (he was beating around the bush trying to say that it only matters when having sex). i kept trying to explain the social connotations of gender and he didn’t think that gender mattered in society.
i finally managed to get across a metaphor about fish. In this metaphor the two major gender categories are fresh water and salt water (for the purposes of this i chose not to confuse him with all the other genders which could be easily be chlorination and water temp). He is a fish in water that suits him so he doesn’t notice it and doesn’t think it matters he just knows that he can swim along and be fine. For me there is something wrong with my water, i may not be in the right lake and i am going to analyze the shit out the water i’m in until i figure out what is wrong with it.
This is a fairly cool and incredibly extensive gender quiz, that i found enjoyable and interesting.
Here is the link http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/
And my own results….
S.A.G.E. Test Results
Your Raw Score is: -405, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous
Your appearance is Androgynous
Your brain processes are mostly that of a Male person.
You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner.
You believe you have major conflicts about your gender identity.
You indicated your were born Female.
Female to Male Transsexual, who is a serious candidate for Gender Reassignment Surgery
And here it is!
Long awaited, a typographic poster for my Visual Organization and Media class about gender! Huzzah!
What do ya’ll think?
All in all i am very confused as to what it means to be me. i know i am not who i was raised to be or who society expects me to be and yet to express anything else seems dangerous. i know that art is an important tool to me and at the very least i can explore through that lens, within the safety of my own language of metaphors and symbols.
i feel most comfortable sharing very little of my physical self since it feels in most part largely inaccurate and my psychological self is something i am still discovering for myself….. so maybe that is what this is, trying to discover a form of self.