I'm a pansexual transguy trying to figure myself out. Expect a lot of information and pride going on. I am always happy to educate and learn.
- Don’t tone police. It is NOT your right to dictate how someone should react to their oppression.
- Don’t demand a detailed explanation.* You’re basically asking the person to justify their call out. It’s exhausting, many resources are available, and often this is just a way to try and derail, start an argument, or discredit the other person.
- Don’t get defensive. A call out is not all about you as a person.
- Don’t take it personally. Calling out is not a personal attack. If someone calls you out, they’re trying to teach you something. Calling out is a way for people to educate others on how systems of oppression operate on a day to day, individual level.
- Don’t attack the person who’s calling you out. That’s just fucked up.
- Don’t assume the person calling you out is just “looking to get offended”. Nobody enjoys calling other people out. To call someone out, people often have to mentally prepare for serious repercussions. Calling someone out might mean starting an argument, during which many people will side with the oppressor by default (especially if you’re privileged over the person calling you out).
- Understand that being oppressive is not the same as being offensive or hurting feelings. The damage you’re perpetuating is part of a larger system of oppression.
- Realize that your intent is irrelevant when it comes to whether you were oppressive or not.
- Recognize the power dynamics that are in place between you and the person calling you out.
- Understand intersectionality. IE: Just because you are oppressed by classism, doesn’t mean you lack male privilege.
- Know that being privileged means being oppressive, but you can work to reduce the ways that you are oppressive.
- Genuinely apologize.
- Work on oppression reduction and being the best ally you can be. The point of calling you out is to draw your attention to how you’re being oppressive, so that you can work to change it. If you made an oppressive joke, there’s probably oppressive thoughts in place (conscious or not) that led you to think the joke was appropriate. Everyone has to unlearn the oppressive things they’ve absorbed from an oppressive society. We are all taught ways to keep marginalized people in their place, but the good thing is that we can identify these things in ourselves and change. And then we can start working on dismantling the kyriarchy, yeah!
Feel free to add to this or change as necessary.
Fuck the people who tell you you have to be a man or a woman.
Fuck the people who ask, “Have you had the operation?”
Fuck the people who refer to you as an “it”.
Fuck the people who continue to call you by your birth name.
Fuck the people who tell you “it’s just a phase”.
Fuck the people who say, “You’re just gay.”
Fuck the people who say, “You’re just a lesbian.”
Fuck the people who say, “You can’t be trans*, you’re too masculine/feminine!”
Fuck anyone who tells you you aren’t who you say you are.
Gender is not up to anyone but yourself. Nobody has the right to decide your gender identity and expression for you.
The most feminine “woman” can identify as male. The most masculine “man” can identify as female. Gender is not determined by either your birth sex or your behavior.
So call me a sissy, a pansy. Tell me I can’t be male because I like to sew and I’m not particularly athletic. Tell me I can’t be male because some mistake gave me an X chromosome where there should have been a Y. You will never change the fact that I am a man.
can we please not tell cisfolk that they’re not allowed to participate in conversations about trans* issues
why would you bother fighting for equality if you’re just going to slam the door on the majority and create a hostile environment for them anyway, how is that going to help anyone
I think this could be a good idea in general but there does need to be trans* only spaces where we can feel safe. In my opinion we should be able to have places and conversations just for us, not all of the spaces should be exclusive, but a portion of them. I see two reasons for this.
The first is that there are people who want and need to vent among people who have been through something similar. There is less pressure to be pleasant towards the majority in a space where the majority is excluded. Trans* people have the right to be angry with Cis people in general, there is a lot of misunderstanding and pain going around and people need to talk and vent. There are also times where I personally want to be in a Trans* only space because I want to be able to relax, I don’t want to have to explain myself or teach what it means to be Trans*, I just want to be. I think it would be counterproductive to exclude Cis people from all conversations because being a part of a conversation is a great way to learn, show support, and be involved.
The second reason is a little more basic and sort of the kindergarten fairness and balance. There are places where Trans* people are not safe and not welcome so it seems fair for there to be places where Cis people are not welcome. I don’t think every Trans* person thinks that Trans* only places are necessary the same way not every Cis person thinks Cis only places are necessary. But I know that I personally like having Trans* only forums, conversations or meetings because it is a place I feel safe and I feel like they are beneficial for my own mental health.